We are at a time when the performing of a commitment ceremony for a same sex couple is a must. It is a must for the children of a same sex couple, and for the couple and for our future. In truth a commitment ceremony is larger than a legalized uniting. Because it is not just about uniting two lives in love, It is also about standing up and against a society that shames that love. It is about allowing that love to shine. It is about tolerance and acceptance. It is recognizing that the love between a same sex couple is just as real, just as deep, and just as devoted as the love between a man and a women. It is about allowing people to be who they are, to live the life that is true to them and to be true to the world around them. A commitment ceremony embraces all love, it moves us forward, it keeps us grounded, it forces us to grow.
I wish for a world where all love is accepted and every human being is given the right to love. I wish for a world where love has no boundaries and people are tolerant of others. I wish for a world where every family is embraced. Every partnership given a chance. I wish for a world where judgement is not so harsh and prejudice is diminished. I wish for a world where every loving couple is treated with respect and no true love is shamed.
We are at a time when the performing of a commitment ceremony for a same sex couple is a must. It is a must for the children of a same sex couple, and for the couple and for our future. In truth a commitment ceremony is larger than a legalized uniting. Because it is not just about uniting two lives in love, It is also about standing up and against a society that shames that love. It is about allowing that love to shine. It is about tolerance and acceptance. It is recognizing that the love between a same sex couple is just as real, just as deep, and just as devoted as the love between a man and a women. It is about allowing people to be who they are, to live the life that is true to them and to be true to the world around them. A commitment ceremony embraces all love, it moves us forward, it keeps us grounded, it forces us to grow.
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I am a collector of rocks. They call me from the ground. I like sparkly rocks or swirls of color. I like smooth stones to rub in my hands and place in my pockets, I call them my worry stones. I like to skip flat stone across the water. I know I am not alone in this attraction. So if you are like me and snatch pebbles from your favorite places to keep as a memento you will love the ideas I have for stone and a wedding ceremony. The ceremony requires river rocks and your imagination. The stones would be handed out to the guest upon their arrival. At some time during the ceremony the officiant would instruct the guests to place a blessing or wish upon the stones for the couple. The blessed stones could then be presented to the couple by the guests. They could be placed into a glass vase or basket for the couples keeping. The guest could bring up the blessed stones one by one and circle the couple in good wishes or pile the blessings at their feet. If the ceremony is taking place outside by the water the guest could be invited to walk to the waters edge and cast their wishing stones, blending two of earths elements. My favorite idea is that after the pronouncing of the wedded couple, the couple stays at the altar and the guest are the first to exit, placing their wishes on the ground as they leave...giving the couple a path of blessings to follow on their way out.
I read about this processional walk and I fell in love with the concept. This procession requires no bridesmaids, groomsmen or young children. It does not consist of one in waiting and one being led and then given away. This procession holds focus on only two, the two to be united. It is a walk of independence, self assurance and the act of coming together in love. I envision this walk taking place across a field of green, like the one captured above by. The guest will watch the couple approach each other from a distance, opposite ends of the earth. This walk would seem even more enchanting if it were done in the evening, at dusk, a time of day when the sky is painted shades of pink and blue. The couple could carry lanterns to illuminate there way. When they reach the ceremonial spot, they would hang their lanterns from shepherds hooks. During the walk, the officiant would explain that the two have ventured many paths on their own and have learned their separate lessons and in doing so they found each other and fell in love. Now they are making the choice to make the rest of life's journey with each other. Deciding to share the moments, the experiences, the lessons, and the dreams. Now walking together, side by side, until life's end.
I often think of objects, food and drink to create metaphors for marriage. This one may be my favorite. The couple stands in front of a long, beautiful, wooden table. The officiant is on the other side of this table. The table is beautifully set with small china plates lined up in a row and at the ends of the row are crystal glasses of wine or drink. On these small elegant china plates will be small servings of food artistically placed. Each food will be a representation of married life. The officiant will described each plate and how it represent married life. The couple one by one will then take a taste.
On the first plate will be something sweet such as sugary dough balls, this will represent happy days and laughter. On the next plate will be something salty(pita chips) to represent the tears of shared sorrows. The next plate will hold the passion fruit to represent a physical love while the next may have a bitter piece of dark chocolate for when you disagree. The last plate will hold bread which represents family, unity and home and lastly the drink will be the toast for a good health, good life and a good marriage. Wine is classic and a classic wedding deserves a classic theme. Wine is elegant, it pairs well with tuxes, and roses and beautiful music. Wine is ritual, spiritual and ceremonial and can very easily adapted into a unity ceremony. All you need is a bottle of white, a bottle of red and two glasses.
Wine making is a craft. Wine can only be created through a true labor of love. The wine maker respects the wine. He must nurture the elements in order to create a fine, timeless wine. He cultivates, struggles, loves and takes delight in the many phases of wine making and he must complete the entire long process with absolute focus. A marriage is much like wine making. It is also a process. It too requires love, hard work, nurturing, cultivating, focus and respect. It too will have times of struggle and times of delight. It too is timeless. Wines can be dark or light. They can be sweet or dry. No two wines are alike, as no two people are alike. Just as the two wines are made from different grapes, gathered from different places and have very distinct and different tastes so is this couple who chooses now to combine their two lives into one life journey. Let the wines, red and white, represent the couples individuality. Let the couple take up a bottle and one pour from the red into the glass and the other pour from the white into the same glass creating a rose wine. Rose, symbolic for love. Now let the couple each drink of the rose wine in a toast of their newly combined existence and timeless, classic love. The sharing of bread, a completely communal concept. So why not make it part of your ceremony. I do not mean in the way that bread is usually shared in a ceremony, as the body of christ (although I find that beautiful). I mean just as we share bread in life. Food/bread is not only needed for our survival, it is an intricate part of our everyday living. It is our socializing and our holidays. It is family meals around the table or thoughtfully packed lunches for our little ones. It is comforting, forgiving and nourishing. It is our strength and our energy. It is our art and our creativity. It is our healer when we are sick and our fun when we feel good.
The breaking of the bread during your wedding ceremony would symbolize all of that. And if the ceremony included the combining of families as in the bride and/or grooms children, the breaking of bread would be the most fitting of the unity ceremonies. The signifying of sharing the first meal together as a family. I associate bread(food) with marriage nearly on every level. In fact if my home were a body my kitchen would be it's soul. As our days begin so do our first meals and as the sun lowers we crowd around my table for dinner and conversation. In marriage, nearly everyday you will share a meal and in marriage you will eat from the same table, drink from the same cup and share the same journey. I am partial to chairs. Odd as that may be to read it's true. I take notice of chairs all the time and I convince myself that there are certain types of chairs I must own, such as a hammock chair or reading chair. My favorite chair is a very large over stuffed chair that sits at an angle in front of my living room window. I love this chair because it allows me to sit in it indian style very comfortably. I have adopted quite a few rocking chairs. It seems the people that I know often want to rid of their hand-me-down rocking chair. So they ask me "Do you want this old chair?" and I can't help but to sing "Yes!" I also can not seem to get rid of any of my kitchen chairs, regardless of how they look. I will paint them, drape them in fabric, turn them into a plant stand or junk art anything but throw them out. So it isn't that odd that in my mind I have created a chair wedding ceremony.
I visualize the two chairs in the ceremony as being fashioned after the two that are being wed. I will give you an example, If I were to create two chairs that represented my husband and I, I would use wooden straight back chairs equal in size. For my husbands chair I would cover the entire thing in a map. A modge-podge of countries, states, oceans, and mountains wrapping around it's legs and across it's seat to represent my husband's traveling soul. I would hang a necktie from one post and a ball cap from the other, binoculars would dangle down one side. My chair would be painted a sage green with a pale yellow pillow on it's seat. I would tie a bouquet of sunflowers to grow up it's one side. From one post I would hang a cross as well as japa mala beads to represent my diverse spiritual side. I would drape a string of pearls down it's back and an open book of poetry would hug the top of my chair. The two chairs are to sit empty off to the side. Shortly after the opening words by the officiant and maybe after a short reading, soft music will begin to play and two people will retrieve the chairs and take them to where the bride and groom are standing. The chairs should be placed down so that they are facing each other and the bride and groom shall take a seat. Not a word yet spoken, just the sound of music. As the couple sits, giving their guest a touching profile, the officiant will circle the chairs spreading rose petals as she goes. When a full circle of rose petals surrounds the couple the music stops and the officiant begins. She may comment on how uniquely different the two chairs are. Yet they each have the same purpose "Support" This couple has chosen to take their vows in chairs, to signifying that they will always support one another. A chair is that place you go to to think things through. It is a place to ponder, to dream, to relax. In marriage, your partner should be that place as well. A chair holds you up when you clumsily sit down, or when you brew, or pout, or cry. Your life partner should hold you up through those things as well. A chair supports you when your ill with fever, wrapped in blankets, looking like hell as should you partner. And it supports you when your happy or being entertained or socializing. At times you may notice your chair becoming wobbly or worn out and if you want it to last, you must take to fixing it in order to keep it stable and solid, just as you must do in your marriage. When the officiant is done with this analogy the couple with clasped hands and gazing eyes repeat their vows with promises of support. Now it is time for the ring exchange and the officiant speaks of the circle of rose petals that surrounds the couple. The red rose is the symbol of love and a circle is the symbol for eternity, just as the wedding ring is a circle. A circle has no beginning and no end and represents a love that is timeless and complete. The bride/groom may say "I give you this ring as a symbol of my never ending love and support." After the ring exchange the chairs are removed and the couple stands in the center of a circle of rose petals to seal their marriage with a kiss. |
Susie NewmanI believe in the ceremony of things. I believe in making personal occasions PERSONAL. Archives
November 2014
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