To promise to serve one selflessly is a humble and awesome commitment.  Yet, isn't that what a wedded couple confesses to do?  They vow to love completely... in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, forsaking all others and give only unto each other.   It is a promise not to be taken lightly.  It is a sacred devotion.  To truly symbolize the depth of that message, I envision a foot washing.

My vision consist that at sometime during the ceremony the bride is seated into a chair.   A basin, a pitcher of water and a towel  at her feet.  Her partner kneels before her and gently washes and then dries her feet.  It is then the grooms turn and the bride kneels before him and washes and dries his feet.  Both of them are promising to serve each other equally.  A balance of servitude freely given.  The message is powerful, moving, spiritual, intimate and full of hope, faith, promise and love.

(Jesus used this symbolism for servitude when he washed his disciples feet in the Book of John 13:1-17) 

This ceremonial idea is performed in Dutch weddings.  The Dutch tradition requires the bride and groom to fashion a wooden box and to write each other love letters before their wedding day.  The box is a creation of the couples work together.  The love letters should be full of sentiments of what they love about each other and the qualities that make them want to share a life.  

On the wedding day, the wooden box sits at an altar table alongside its lid, hammer and nails.  Inside the box is a bottle of wine, two wine glasses and the love letters.  During the ceremony the wooden box is nailed shut by the bride and the groom.  The officiant explains that at any time in the couple's marriage that they have doubts, regrets or large arguments, they should stop, go to the box (together) pry off its lid. share a glass of wine and read to each other their love letters.  

I love this tradition for so many reasons, but mostly because it lets the couple know that there will be times of trouble ahead.  It cannot be avoided. It happens in all relationships and it is natural.  You must keep in mind what it was that made you fall in love with that person and want to share a life.  Marriage is full of ups and downs, but we must not take the other for granted or forget what brought us to the altar in the first place.  Remember your vows and keep them sacred.

On September 22, 2012, the first day of autumn, I performed a tree planting wedding ceremony. The couple of this ceremony was a young, fun, earthy and vibrant pair that I immediately connected too.  They told me that their wedding theme was a tree.  They had collected lost branches and trunks from the springs wind storms and they had turned them into beautiful pieces of wedding decor.  From the trunk of a large tree, they had cut three inch thick circles and then treated them.  These held their wedding cupcakes.  Their reception tables were named after trees. In the center of these tables were thick cut branches that held place cards with the tables name and symbolic meaning, such as, "Elm" - strength, will, intuition  "Pine" - creativity, life, longevity and immortality  "Cypress" - understanding and sacrifice.  They had made tree ornaments for each of their guests from branches, and their programs were threaded with twine.  It was an earthy and charming effect that made you feel grounded in beauty and peace.  The image of a tree touched nearly every aspect of their reception, so of course, I felt compelled to write the ceremony based on that symbolism.  

My opening words described marriage and this couple with metaphors referring to nature and the tree.  Both marriage and nature are ever changing, a continuing process and never a finished action.  Both must be resilient, both must learn to weather out the storms, the challenges of daily life and the passage of time. And with both, it is nurturing, nourishment and caring that is the substance needed to keep them sustained and help them grow.

On the unity table sat a beautiful, ceramic, three bowl container.  The container on the right held rich, dark soil and represented the foundation in which the groom had grown from.  The bowl on the left also held rich, dark soil and represented the foundation from which the bride was raised from.  The couples mothers were asked to come forth and take from their soil and place it into the middle container.  It was in the middle container, among the mixed soils of the couples foundation, that they planted their tree.  The couple then watered their tree to symbolize, just as the tree needs water, sun and soil to grow a marriage must be nourished with love, trust and respect.

 After the tree planting, a reading from the child's book "A little Yellow Leaf"  was shared by a child who read mostly to the couples baby boy.  The couple then vowed to be rooted in their relationship and I closed with the reading of the ee cummings poem - I carry your heart: (in my heart) 

And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling
I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet
I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true
And it is whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of root and the bud of the bud;
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life:
Which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
And this is the wonder that keeps the stars apart
I carry your heart - I carry it in my heart.

In my home I have a couple of hand stitched quilts and a few colorful afghans that were crafted by my husband's grandmother.   These blankets are very special.  They are works of art with beautiful and intricate designs and colors.  Every stitch was a labor of love.  They are a homespun piece of art, a gift from someone who loved us and comfort from someone we loved.  My husband's grandmother is gone from us, but we still snuggle up with her blankets and feel content and cozy.

I often wonder how blankets such as these would fit into a wedding ceremony.  The answer is quit charming.

The American Indians used blankets during their wedding ceremonies.  Two blue blankets at the beginning of the ceremony are wrapped around the bride and groom.  The blue blankets represent sorrow and a single life.  After the vows the blue blankets are replaced with one white blanket draped across both of their shoulders.  The white blanket represents oneness and a life together.  I have always admired and respected the symbolisms created by the Native Americans.  I understand their Father Sky and Mother Earth, I get it.  And I too can create a ceremony using a blanket to symbolize unity.

The blanket in my ceremony would be called a marriage quilt.  If the couple had a child, or children, they would be invited to partake.  The quilt would symbolize coming together as one.  It would represent comfort, home and shelter.  It would represent warmth and closeness.  It would represent family.    After the symbolism for the marriage quilt is explained, the couple (or family) would kneel before me and I would drape them in the fabric, shoulder to shoulder.  Then a prayer or a blessing would be spoken.  The  quilt would then be removed and placed on the altar table or handed to someone to hold.  If the couple wished they could do their vows still wrapped in the quilt.  or have their first kiss in the quilt.

The marriage quilt could come out again for the couples first dance, wrapped around their shoulders as they twirl slowly around the dance floor.  It can be creatively used as a prop in the wedding photographs.  It can be displayed at the reception and then taken home and displayed there or placed upon the couples bed.

I find the rose ceremony to be one of elegance and grace.  In the rose ceremony,  roses, of any shade but red, are handed out to special guests as they arrive.  Two long stem red roses sit at the altar table beside an empty vase. During the ceremony, the officiant will instruct all those who have a rose to please come forward and place it in the vase.  As the roses are being brought forth, the officiant will explain that these roses represent the trials and tribulations of marriage.  They are your good times and bad, your joys as well as your sorrows,  they are your arguments and your resolutions, they are your patience, frustrations, kindness and understanding.  After the guest roses are in place the couple will each pick up a red rose from the altar.  The officiant will then speak of the red rose.  It is the symbol of love.  The couple will exchange the roses, giving to each other the gift of love.  They will then place them into the vase among all the other roses.  This is to represent that through the good, bad, easy, hard, complexities, simplicities, paradoxes and ordinaries of marriage... it is your gift of LOVE to each other that keeps it all together and binds you forever.

It's so nice to see how the unity part of the wedding ceremony has grown as large as the imagination.  It has been personalized in so many different themes and couples are finding various ways to say "We two lives now unite into one life" or "These two families unite into one family"  

Of course "The Unity Candle" is always beautiful and classic.  Two candles are lit (usually by the mothers of the couple to be wed) those two lit candle stand beside a large pillar candle.  During the ceremony the couple each takes a single candle and using it's flame they light, together, the large pillar candle.  This is to symbolize the two families lights combining into one light.  And I believe that the couple should - "Let the light of the unity candle be a beacon through out their lives, let it shine wherever life takes them, let it's warmth fill their hearts and home. "  Just as family should.

Another type of unity being done is a sand ceremony.  Different colors of sand poured into a vase or shadow box by couple, and any child being brought into the marriage.  The different sands are said to represent the individuals and their uniqueness.  Although the sands can stand alone and be a whole, when layered by the pouring, they soon become a more intricate family.  Just as the sands can never be divided and poured back into their separate containers so should this family be together forever.